Tramp Tales I

 

Tramp Tales I

So this afternoon I'm walking and there's this guy further up sitting on a wall. I hear him before I see him 'cause he's loudly going on about something. As I pass he spots me and started blowing really loud, long raspberries at me. My preferred option of dignifiedly (is that a word?) ignoring such crudeness was circumvented when Mellie gets a whiff of him and makes a bee-line over. As everyone knows I am my dog's bitch and so as usual I do whatever she wants whenever she want it done. She went crazy sniffing him and his many parcels. I give a hopeful tug and make a few useless clicks with my tongue but Mellie is having none of it. She's done her anchor-dog trick and no amount of pulling will shift her. I give up, realize I have no control over my life and surrender to the encounter which goes as follows:

Him: What's its name?
Me: Mellie
Him: Holly?
Me: No Molly, I mean Mellie, it's Mellie.
Him: It is a boy or a girl?
Me: A girl.
Him: What's her name?
Me: Mellie. Short for Melody.
Him: Fellow?
Me: No Mellie.
Him: Would you eat it?
Me: What?
Him: Would you eat it if you were starving?
Me (laughing nervously and looking around with a wild is-anyone-else-getting-this? stare in my eyes. I had to banish the mental image of Mellie trussed up on a platter before I could answer him): No I wouldn't eat it...her. No I wouldn't.
Him: You wouldn't?
Me: No I wouldn't. (I could tell he didn't believe me)
Him: Even if you were starving?
Me: No, even if I was starving I wouldn't eat her.
Him: Why not?
(I'm really stuck now. I mean, is any answer going to make sense to this guy? Should I just say " 'Coz she wouldn't taste good"? Eventually I settle for telling him I don't know why I wouldn't eat her, she's like a child to me I guess).
Him: Oh yeah? What's her name?